i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
