So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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