If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
