i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
