Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
