remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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