I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
