I didn't shave. On purpose
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
