I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
