Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
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I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
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Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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