the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
