Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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