Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
i need some magic done to my vagina
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
