I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I want her autograph on my taint
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
