you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Let's get the cat blown out
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
