just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
