WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
