can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
