I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Im part way to drunk.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
