Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
