Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
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