I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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