508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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