This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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