I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
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you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
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I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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