What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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