I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
