oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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