Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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