Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
