come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
