Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
