Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
