I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Watching her eat just hurts me
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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