2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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