i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
