some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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