I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
