I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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