i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
