I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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