Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
