atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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