Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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