I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
