oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
