He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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