I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
