You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
