I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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