i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
