You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
