Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
