she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
