He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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