There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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