Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
