Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
