When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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