u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
