I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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