good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
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