Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
