Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
