Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
