Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
