I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
