Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.