someone threw a dead crab at me
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.