I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.