Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Are we still banned from the library?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...