there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.