I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
