Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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