And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
