ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
